i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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