The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
