I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
