I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your penis caused this!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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