it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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