one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
