he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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