I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
