maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
