my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
