i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Acid is not a monday night drug
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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