help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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