K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
