I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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