i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
