where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
