i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
