Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
