hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
