This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
