Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
