No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
