I hate all girls vehemently.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
