I want to make a zoo with you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
