would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
