So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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