He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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