never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
