Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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