No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
