I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
