Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Randomize
