Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
