adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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