apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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