I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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