she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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