If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
