That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
