that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
