It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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