we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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