I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
