She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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