I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
