i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
