Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize