Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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