what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
