Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
