theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
