You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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