Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
