he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
