Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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