Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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