So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
