I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
