My brain says no but my pants say off.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
