Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
