Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
