I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
