i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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