He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
