Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
