shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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