i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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