I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
