I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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