Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
