i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i believe in u and ur pee
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