I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
