glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
