Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he thought i was a dude.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
