Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ttyl tear gas
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
