The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
