Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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