SEEEEXXX PLEASE
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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