she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
