how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
