Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize