you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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